Who Am I, And Why Am I Here

Who am I, and why am I here, may seem like an innocent question.  But given I'm 44 now it seems like the answer is much more complicated than it should be. 

The photo above was taken sometime in the spring of 2015, and I think it was without makeup.   At that period of time makeup wasn't a big part of my life.   If I was wearing any at all it was to slap on some foundation with my fingers.  A quick brush of some bronzer across my cheek and apply some black or blue eyeliner to the lower waterline.   Yes my makeup bag was rather small then with a single foundation, a single bronzer and two eyeliners.  I wore navy blue since I was a teenager, but later also sometimes wore black.  

Why you may wonder would my stash be so incredibly small?   There was a time when I didn't leave the house without a full face of makeup, which sadly wasn't far off the above description.  I rarely wore eye-shadow, so for me it was more about foundation to even out skin tone.  But I also curled every hair with a curling iron.   Then as I got married and had kids, when child #2 came along my life was so full, and when #3 came along there were days I was coping the best I could.   I felt lucky to grab a shower so forget about makeup and hair.

The reason was that my life was being pulled in my directions.  My oldest went from being the only child and having all the attention, to having two younger siblings that required a lot more attention than normal children.   My oldest was 4 when her little brother was born.  When my son was 2 we had him diagnosed with severe ADHD, sleep disorder, mood disorder among a few others.   He was three when his sister was born.  She began to develop normally but by the age of 2 she was regressing and by 3 she was pretty much non-verbal and was receiving early intervention.   Least to say early childhood was a bit of nightmare.   Even until recently most of my time was spent working on my home business or dealing with issues with either child. 

Because of early intervention my daughter is amazing but she has her quarks as we call them.   My son on the other hand still has struggles and needs his mummy a lot more than his peers.   If I am honest with myself I do not know if he will be able to live on his own and support himself as he is still so very child like now.  He will be 16 this fall.

Five years ago I went through pancreatic cancer surgery.   I was lucky and it was found by accident early enough to save my life.   Recovery was long, very long.   As a result they figured it triggered fibromyalgia and fatigue.  So now I live with constant pain.  But I am alive. 

This spring I turned 44 and it was like a light switch was flipped.   Anti-Aging and skin care became important.   I would compare it to that of a young married woman with her biological time clock ticking.  That's how I felt about anti-aging skin care products.   I hadn't really used anything up until then.  I do have good skin genetics from my parents, thank goodness.

I began watching video's on youtube about skin care products, anti-aging products.  I was trying to learn what was out there and what I thought I needed.   Shortly after I began to watch video's on makeup.  Different types of makeup, but how to apply it.   There were so many new techniques that I am trying to learn.   Least to say I have acquired a small collection.  I have choices on what products I want to use, and I follow various bloggers on youtube.